Our expectations are stratospheric.
We want more. We want to do more. We want better, faster and cheaper. We demand and expect it.
But have you observed that life often doesn’t comply? That what you want and what you get are not necessarily the same thing?
There’s a gap between your expectations and reality — how life actually plays out.
The gap can lead to suffering. It can cause stress and angst. And it isn’t serving anyone well.
So what can we do about it? How do we bridge the gap?
AMOR FATI
In Odesza’s album, A Moment Apart, there is an Intro.
It tells the story of a Russian cosmonaut in space. He hears a ticking sound that repeats over and over again. As the hours pass, it begins to torment him.
What can he do about it? After all, he’s in space. His options are limited.
He decides that, in order to keep his sanity, he has to fall in love with the sound:
Made famous by Friedrich Nietzsche, amor fati means “love of fate” or “love of one’s fate” in Latin.
The idea of amor fati is that everything that happens in your life, including suffering and loss, is good. Or, at the very least, what occurs is necessary.
“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it—all idealism is mendacity in the face of what is necessary—but love it.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche, Ecce Homo (emphasis added)
FATE KNOCKING AT THE DOOR
Imagine being the best in the world at something. Then imagine having that gift — the tool that makes you great — taken from you.
You would be forever compromised. No matter how good you were, or how much you adjusted, you would never be the same.
What would you do?
How would you cope with the difference between what you want from life, and what life is actually giving you?
Around 1801, Ludwig van Beethoven, arguably the greatest musical composer of all time, began to experience hearing loss. The likely causes were Otosclerosis and possible degeneration of the auditory nerve.
How did he handle it?
In 1802, he wrote a letter to his brothers, which reflected his despair over the increasing deafness. He even contemplated suicide.
But he never sent the letter or showed it to anyone. It would only be revealed after his death.
Defiantly, he told his friends that he would “seize Fate by the throat; it shall certainly not crush me completely.”
In 1806, Beethoven noted on one of his musical sketches: “Let your deafness no longer be a secret — even in art.”
From 1802 to 1812 — now famously referred to as Beethoven’s “heroic period” — he produced some of the greatest works the human ear has ever encountered:
Symphony No. 3 in E flat, Op. 55 (“Eroica”) left behind the classical symmetry of Mozart, and entered a new phase of freedom that would change the course of music for a century, influencing the likes of Schubert, Berlioz, Wagner and Mahler
Piano Concerto No. 5 in E flat major (“Emperor” Concerto)
Symphony No. 7 in A major, Op. 92 is a triumphant piece that premiered at a concert for soldiers wounded in the 1813 Battle of Hanau
Symphony No. 5 in C minor, Op. 67, one of the best-known compositions in classical music, has a recurring four-note motif which Beethoven allegedly described as “Fate knocking at the door”
CHANGE THE NARRATIVE
Life happens. Sh** happens.
Fate knocks. And sometimes it knocks you down.
Then what? You change the narrative.
When you’re faced with something difficult, something that seems insurmountable, say “good”:
Along with amor fati, there is a companion phrase in Latin: Dulcius ex Asperis — “sweeter after difficulties.”
In life, you will struggle. You will face challenges. You will get knocked down.
And your life will be sweeter because of it.
We remember the hard times. We smile when we recall a moment of adversity that was overcome.
We get up, dust ourselves off and hold our head up high.
To get to this place is to accept. It is to embrace the hand that you’re dealt.
It is to love fate. Amor fati.
ACCEPT WHAT IS
Do you know how lobsters grow?
As the soft, mushy body of a lobster grows, it begins to press up against its rigid shell. The shell does not expand.
So what does the lobster do?
It hides under a rock (away from predators) and loses its shell. When it outgrows the second shell, it repeats the same process.
It’s called “molting.”
In other words, the stimulus for a lobster’s growth is that it feels uncomfortable.
We grow when we’re uncomfortable.
We learn when things don’t come easily.
We push ourselves when the odds are stacked against us.
When you finally come to love your fate, you accept life as it is.
You celebrate the ups and learn from the downs. You treat everything with equanimity and grace.
Through this process, you begin to bridge the gap between expectation and reality.
As a result, your suffering is reduced. The stress levels become manageable. And the volume of all your complaining and self-pity is turned down.
And when you finally embrace the good with the bad, you can then focus your energy on producing something special.
I believe this is the best of your series. This one should be published for mass appreciation. The facts about lobsters and the metaphor behind is extraordinary.